Lobby Bar – March 16: Super-Powered Editors, Drive with the Beatles, Smart Stoves, Fly for Free

By Jeremy Del Nero on 16 March 2018
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Lobby Bar – The Only Meeting Place That Makes You Question Your Existence

What-er? Put down that water bottle; turns out there may be some unwanted surprises inside. The special ingredients will give consumers some rare superpowers, but they won’t necessarily be all that great. Sure, some people might join the ranks of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but then again you have the case of FBT’s Anna Breuer, who grew two extra arms and is now expected to write twice as many news stories.  Pity that she didn’t grow an extra brain…

Let’s rock. Volkswagen is saying goodbye to its iconic Beetle, looking elsewhere for inspiration. Don’t worry, there will be a replacement: the Beatle, shaped like Paul McCartney’s bowl haircut from the 60s. Just a heads up: only Beatles tracks will work in the car’s audio system.

Fluffy business. Turn down a side street on St. James Place to join Blaise Buckley at the Stafford hotel in London. In an effort to help keep muggles out, the side street is quite inconspicuous to the untrained eye, so it goes without saying that you should bring your robe and wand to gain access to the hotel. Guests must sign a waiver at check-in that they will not sue if they are bitten by the three-headed dog guarding the sauna in the basement.

The one? Speaking of Harry Potter, did you hear he’ll soon be making a trip to the United States? He loves meeting his fans, so go ahead and say hi to everybody in New York with a strange marking on their forehead, just in case it’s him.

Intelligent life. Jonathan Spira locks up his home with the newest version of August’s Bluetooth-powered Smart Lock Pro. Now, he can rest easy when he’s out of town and wants to make sure his front door is locked. But did he turn off the stove? Next week, let’s take a look at the August Smart Stove, hitting shelves in 2024. n.b. the lock, true to its name, goes on vacation the month of August just as the French do.

Fly High. Alaska Airlines is updating its First Class menu with West Coast specialties, starting with new Lady Jane brownies. Although, if you wink at the flight attendant and ask for “extra sprinkles,” you’ll unlock an item off the secret menu: the Mary Jane brownie. Just make sure you don’t have any business meetings scheduled within 14 hours of your delicious in-flight snack.

Stick with me. Kayak’s co-founder debuts Lola Works, a travel management portal. To access the new software, all you need is a portal gun, so contact Rick and Morty if you’d like to rent one, or try out Jesse’s new but more dysfunctional prototype. Be aware that you may end up stuck between dimensions, temporarily we hope.

Side gig. The airline industry predicts that more travelers than ever will be taking to the skies this spring. This is due to the super cheap tickets that flyers have been finding on the web, including a few deals that, when bundles with coupons and rebates, mean that the customer is actually being paid by the airline to fly. In other news, four airlines are expected to file for bankruptcy this summer.

Shocking stuff. California is implementing new rules and regulations to make the workplace safer for hotel workers. Starting next week, all hotel workers will be carrying Tasers as protection against potential aggressors. Be aware that guests who stay past their checkout time of 11 a.m. will be at risk of getting jolted awake by those anxious to get cleaning.

Adverse effect. Yet another Trump property, the Trump International Hotel and Tower in Panama, was reflagged earlier this week, as the Bahia Grand Panama. The name change comes as the result of declining business after a large part of the population viewed his questionable performance in a re-released edition of Home Alone 2.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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