Lobby Bar – August 11: Trusting the Internet’s Strangers, Electricity is Trendy, and How to Fold Your Electronics

By Jeremy Del Nero on 11 August 2017
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Lobby Bar – A Non-Habit Forming Opiate, FDA Approval Pending

Island friends. Hawaiian Airlines will be introducing a new communications channel for customer service: two-way texting. This service will be a great way to check in with the airline regarding your upcoming flight, or if you’re out at dinner with somebody popular and want to make it seem like you’re texting a friend. It was confirmed at the same time that plans for clay tablet messaging have been permanently shelved.

More fake friends. Meanwhile, JetBlue Airways will begin putting all of the different ways you chat, text, message, and otherwise communicate with them into one big silo. The only problem is that the airline hasn’t yet developed search technology to find things within the new system so it is deploying nano-bots to search through everything.

Chill, bro. A heat wave has been sweeping across Europe, damaging crops and raising health concerns. To stay cool without an air conditioner, might we suggest employing Jesse’s newest venture that involves him placing ice cubes on the back of your neck and blowing gently on your nape.

Mini machines. If sleep apnea has made it difficult to travel lightly, might we recommend the ResMed AirMini Portable CPAP Machine. The little machine can be folded over and over, like a piece of origami, down to the size of a nickel, at which point it can be tucked into your nostril where will automate your breathing routine.

Shocking news. Jonathan Spira takes a look at the Apple Watch Hermes and Apple Watch Series 2. Apple loves to name its products thematically and the Hermes is serving as an introduction to its Greek mythology series. Next year, expect the Apple Watch Zeus, which will periodically zap your wrist to keep you alert on long drives and jolt you awake if you sleep through your alarm.

Step one. If you’re ever annoyed that your passwords need to include capitals, numbers, and symbols, take solace in the fact that the man responsible for such requirements, Bill Burr, is, well, “$0r^y” about that. In a reversal, Burr is advocating for the removal of passwords altogether from all sites, requiring only a username to log in. “The Internet is ready for the honor system,” he told FBT rather confidently in a recent interview.

We’re back. Join us at the Broadway Theatre for a musical with a controversial history, “Miss Saigon.” Twenty years later, the musical is back, replete with its famous helicopter scene, a guest appearance from a big white Cadillac, and, in keeping with 2017 USDA standards, 35% less fat and greater nutrient density.

Credit sesame. Effective immediately, Qatar is granting citizens of 80 countries access across its borders, no Visa required. These travelers will, however, need an American Express or Discover It card to be granted entry, and keep in mind that Apple Pay isn’t accepted yet.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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