Lobby Bar – July 7: Cars Are Pokémon Too, How to Time Travel, and the Clones Are Back

By Jeremy Del Nero on 7 July 2017
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The Lobby Bar – Fittingly Fulfilling When Taken With a Full Glass of Milk

Join us. Many significant moments in travel history have occurred in Julys past, and here to help you revisit them is Jesse, the magazine’s dedicated time-traveling reporter. Rumor has it that if you read Lobby Bar every week for five years, you too could gain time traveling powers. Then, and only then, can you apply for a Space-Time-Editorship at FBT.

Duel to the death. Paul Riegler gets his hands on Amazon’s Dash Wand with Alexa 2.0. To use the wand, simply wave it at any object in your house to add that item to your Amazon shopping cart. Be careful to point the wand away from you, however, or you may order a clone of yourself by accident. The clone will show up in two days and insist that it’s the real you and try to kill you. This should not, however, be a problem: you simply have to kill it first.

Goodness gracious. It’s not too late to celebrate America’s Independence Day with a little help from our patriotic sunset photo collection. Remember that if you watch the sunset on July 4th, the sun stays up for an extra hour and changes the colors of the sky to red, white, and blue. Despite the somewhat serious complications this has on the environment and people’s schedules despite pleas from several early-to-bed groups with successful petitions circling the Internet.

Everything’s fine. Join Jonathan Spira in the dystopian future-past that is “1984.” Thankfully, the future that Orwell predicted involving censorship, constant surveillance, and brainwashing, never came to be. Alexa, please turn off the fake news. Alexa? Siri? Anyone?

Pokécars. Time to take a seat in the extended range 2017 BMW i3 Giga World. You could buy the new vehicle, but if you have a previous year’s model, keep in mind that it can evolve into the Giga World. The first i3, the Mega Country, evolves into the Giga World after reaching 50,000 miles on the road. Add another 100,000 miles and it’ll reach its fully evolved state, Universe, which will become available in 2019.

Summer of hell. Due to construction work planned at what is a very dilapidated Penn Station in New York City, Amtrak is rerouting some intercity trains to the splendiferous Grand Central Terminal. Because of anticipated overcrowding, several of the trains will board from Track 9 3/4, which takes up far less room than conventional tracks.

Goldilocks. You needn’t go to Bavaria to enjoy a good beer garden; just head to the Jägerhaus Gastropub and Biergarten in Whitestone, New York. The giant pretzel is enormous and excellent, the deviled eggs are quite good, and the sausage platter is simply the wurst.

End of the line. Volvo announced plans to offer an electric powertrain on all of its models by 2019 and will phase out conventionally-powered vehicles. A Volvo insider gave FBT some exclusive additional details: conventionally-powered cars will not be able to evolve to Electric Volvos, or Volvosaurs, no matter how many miles are logged.

Turn the dashboard lights off on your way out. Not to be left behind, France said it will ban the sale of all conventionally powered gasoline and diesel cars by 2040. To support the country’s reputation for haute cuisine, all cars sold from that time forward will be required to run exclusively on snails, along with butter, garlic, thyme, parsley, and pine nuts. Rumors that the national motto is to be changed to “Look at that S car go!” could not be confirmed.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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