Lobby Bar – July 21: Killer Selfies, Flight Attendants Get Naked, and a Concussion Shower

By Jeremy Del Nero on 21 July 2017
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Lobby Bar – The Only Article That Loves You Back

Two of a kind. Join Jonathan Spira at the theater for a look at “Assassins,” a roughly two-hour light-hearted look at the assassinations of past United States presidents. Next week, we’ll review “Survivors,” a 43-hour play about all of the other presidents. Bring a sleeping bag and diapers: there is no intermission but covlefe will be served.

Powdered hospitality. Take a quick flight with us over to the newly accessible city of Havana, Cuba. Unfortunately, there aren’t many luxury hotels on the island yet, so we recommend packing your own private Instant Hotel. To use, simply open the packet, add salt water, and stir. Within minutes, a one-room luxury hotel will appear in front of you. Purchase yours today from the vending machine in the FBT office lobby.

Rocks falling. Leave your jealousy at the door and check into the Four Seasons Hualalai in Kona, Hawaii. One of our favorite amenities at the hotel was the outdoor lava rock shower. Just tug on the screen, and a shower of lava rocks will cascade from an overhead bin, offering a therapeutic, rock-pounding massage. Watch your toes.

Death by selfie. If you value your life over art, stop taking selfies. Selfies have recently surpassed motor vehicle accidents as the leading cause of death in the United States. In further evidence that selfies are bad for your health, doctors have warned that purchasing a selfie stick is the digital equivalent to smoking four cigarettes a day, and those with e-asthma, e-heart conditions, and e-cancers should curb their use of the dangerous habit.

Coincidental. American Airlines employees are now free to wear whatever they’d like when flying as non-revenue passengers. In an unrelated report, the U.S. Department of Commerce said that sales of mini-skirts, athletic supporters, and shredded tank tops are increasing in record numbers.

Marshmallows. John Buckley wanted to see “Puffs” again… so he went and saw “Puffs” again. This production was much like the last, except it’s in a new and bigger theater, has a few new characters, and, in the words of Mr. Spira, “It’s Puffier, I guess.”

Half empty. The United Kingdom wants to ban all credit card surcharges on purchases, because, in its government’s own words, they are a “rip-off.” The country is, however, still moving forward with plans for a new Brexit surcharge that will be added to goods from those 27 countries that are not planning to leave the European Union.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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