Lobby Bar – July 14: When Turtles Fly, Human Memory Upgrades, Yogi Berra’s Lounge, and the Real Rainbow Road

By Jeremy Del Nero on 14 July 2017
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The Lobby Bar – No Prescription Necessary, Now Available Over the Counter

Electrique. Paul Riegler explains why the future of electric vehicles is very bright right now. This is in part thanks to legislature that incentivizes research in the industry, but mostly because the majority of EVs are outfitted with multi-colored rainbow LED rim lights, making the roads just a little more visible and fabulous for everyone.

Take a pill. 2017 is half over and we’d like to remind you about the top stories you read during the first half of the year. Feel free to read the article to brush up on this year’s travel news, or order a memory pill for $9.99 from FBT sister publication Frequent Pill Taker that will target memories from the last few months and bring them to the forefront of your cerebral hippocampus, effort-free.

No cigar. Join Jonathan Spira in Delta’s first class cabin on a rare flight to Havana, Cuba. At check-in, a number of safety formalities must take place, including signing waivers, purchasing travel health insurance, and surrendering any American cigars while certifying that replacement Cuban cigars will be purchased upon arrival.

To lounge or not to lounge? Join us at the Elegante Salon VIP Lounge in Aeropuerto Internacional José Martí’s Terminal 3. The lounge was not very elegant, there was no salon, and the VIP line at security was closed, so we’re gonna have to claim false advertising on that one. On the other hand, it was indeed located in Terminal 3 as promised.

Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded. Meanwhile, the American Express Centurion Lounge in Miami has become so popular that it plans to expand to Palm Beach and Fort Lauderdale airports later this year. To deal with the crowds in the meantime, it’s sending those travelers with only a Gold Card down to the Elegante Salon VIP Lounge in nearby Havana.

Tortoise transit. Turtles crossing a JFK runway delayed a number of flights in New York last week. Several passengers decided to rebook their travel on the backs of the nesting turtles and ended up reaching their destinations faster than if they had flown. Thus, Turtle Express Airways was launched on July 8, 2017 and is now the 9th fastest mode of transportation in the United States. Rumors are that cabin crew will be attired in ninja outfits.

Out of business. Just when you thought Dieselgate was over, Daimler, the parent company of Mercedes-Benz, has been accused of selling over one million cars with non-compliant emissions controls over the last decade. In other news, we’ve heard rumors that the Turtle Express is also non-compliant with current air travel regulations, flying at well below the minimum flight altitude of 1,000 feet, and traveling at an unprecedented speed of less than .1 miles per hour.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

Accura News

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