Lobby Bar – September 23: Blinding Aliens, Mail-in Tweets, and Donald Trump’s Golden Ticket

Lobby Bar – A Concocted Conglomeration of FBT News and Views

Ground control to Major Tom. Join Jeremy Del Nero (greetings) in a look at some of the new features in Apple’s iOS 10. The flashlight now has adjustable brightness, which allows the user to put it in one of the following modes: low light, medium light, or bright light. If you enter a series of secret swipes across the screen, you can unlock blindingly-bright light mode, which NASA reports has been bothering some aliens on nearby planets.

Adverse effects. Jonathan Spira takes a cruise in Toyota’s newest plug-in hybrid, the 2017 Toyota Prius Prime. The car is dressed like the future, and has a few tricks up its sleeve as well, such as its mind-reading mode, which lets drivers control the vehicle with brain waves. Of course, this feature is extremely dangerous, and drivers who let their minds wander run the risk of temporarily controlling a nearby Prius Prime.

New names, new games. Starwood and Marriott are about to tie the knot on their merger. The combined entity will henceforth be known by “Starriott,” and anybody who refers to it as either company’s old names will have his points stripped from his account. The merger was made possible by a Supreme Court decision legalizing hotel marriages.

One of the pack. Marriott also announced it will continue to support Starwood’s secret “Make me a native” status, which provides top-tier guests with a fully immersive experience upon arrival. The program includes live fox hunts in your room in the English countryside, a herd of sheep outside your window for properties in Vermont, and something the company calls a “Kangaroo adventure” for guests in Australia.

Two-day tweets. Most of Puerto Rico is still without power after a fire tore through a power plant on Wednesday. Many things that normally require electricity are being done manually: checking in for your flight will be done with pen and paper, and if you want to send out a tweet, you’ll need to mail in your 140-character submission (along with your handle and password) to Twitter’s offices in San Francisco.

Invaluable reparations. As if Volkswagen wasn’t hit with enough fines, its shareholders are now seeking €8.2 billion for lost value after Dieselgate. In addition to the money, the shareholders want lifetime subscriptions to the VW Performance magazine and unlimited refills of fresh flowers for their VW dashboard gardens.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)