Lobby Bar – October 9: Gollum’s Airline, Transcontinental Hiking, and Hotel Robots

By Jesse Sokolow on 9 October 2015
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Lobby Bar – A Summary of FBT News and Views, Dumbed Down For Public Consumption

Broad-Fil-Way. Join Jonathan Spira for the grand opening of the first Chick-Fil-A in Manhattan. The premiere of the fast-food chain was sponsored by Kinky Boots, and anybody who brings an uneaten chicken nugget to the theater the night of their meal purchase will receive 20% off their ticket.

Bigger, not better. Jesse Sokolow has the low-down on this year’s level of TSA approval among our readers. TSA reps were initially happy to hear about the steady increase in figures from our readers, until they realized that the figures represented dissatisfaction. We hear they are bowlers, not golfers, at the TSA.

Ninja car. Paul Riegler gets behind the wheel of the 2015 Kia Soul EV+ Electric Vehicle. The silent creeping of the vehicle is especially useful for sneaking up on people, not alerting neighbors to late nights out, and stealthily avoiding the police after committing petty offenses.

Mission possible. Paul Riegler checks into the Landsdowne Resort in Leesburg, Virginia, which appears to be run by robots. In his quest, which he chose to accept, Riegler had to complete an obstacle course in his room, overcome pain trials located at the desk chair, and defeat an army of robots exuding strong chemical scents. Find out whether he was successful!

Vote yes on #37. Now’s the time to tell the world what bugs you the most about air travel in our annual poll. Choose from a number of new options, including Pilot is Too Sassy and No Hot Babes or Dudes On Board.

Lord of the slots. Delta wants its former Tokyo Haneda route back from American because American hasn’t yet inaugurated service on the route. Haneda slots have been known to possess people in the past, and in fact Delta CEO Richard H Anderson was heard muttering in his office, “it’s my own, my love, my precious.”

38 days, 0 nights. The EPA announced newer and stricter national standards for ground-level ozone and smog. The standards require that commuters travel to work fossil-free for at least one day per month. Recommended methods include skateboards, scooters, horses, or for commuting transcontinentally, hiring a Sherpa and hiking 2,780 miles from coast to coast.

Sorry, not sorry. Transaero, Russia’s second largest carrier, announced that it would cease operations after December 15. “If you purchased a ticket for air travel after that date,” airline deputy analyst Immagonne Takeyocash said in a statement, “thank you very much, you’ll be helping me pay for my new condo in Bora Bora. Unfortunately, we cannot refund your money.”

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

Accura News

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