Lobby Bar – June 19: Supramarkets, Diamond Pretzels, and Cuddling with Strangers

By Jeremy Del Nero on 19 June 2015
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Lobby Bar – A Pyramid Scheme Summary of FBT News and Views

Check it in. Don’t be alarmed; that carry-on suitcase restriction you read about last week is not actually coming to be. In reality, the International Air Transport Association will be limiting the measurements of carry-on items to 3”x1x”4”, which means you’ll have to start packing your iPhone in checked baggage soon.

Easter Egg. Find out how to solve your storage problems on your iPhone. Simply swing your iPhone above your head while chanting “Steve Jobs” under your breath to unlock five extra gigs of storage.

Selfless selfie. Join Paul Riegler behind the wheel of a Honda CR-V Touring. The car is equipped with a handy camera for blind spots, but it can also be used to take selfies and automatically post them to Instagram. Traffic laws are being rewritten to accommodate this wonderful new feature.

United we fall. United is switching up its role in the transcon market after failing to make a profit on the route in seven years. To make up for lost revenue, the airline will now be charging flyers $27 per bag of mini-pretzels. Don’t worry; the charge is automatically added to the price of your ticket, so you don’t have to worry about a thing!

Night terrors. It’s the time of year when we ask our readers about their biggest hotel pet peeves. Topping the list is a newcomer this year: the bedroom intruder. Noise and cleanliness can be issues, but unsolicited cuddling is unforgivable.

Glory days. Check out our review of German miniseries “Deutschland 83,” which just premiered on SundanceTV this past week. Keep an eye out for Jonathan Spira, who utilized Jesse’s time machine to make a cameo in the show. We tried calling Spira back to work today, but he replied, “I’m not leaving. Have you seen the wonders of West German supermarkets?”

Free suits. The city of Dallas has had enough of “GateGate” at Dallas Love Field and is suing two federal agencies and six airlines in an effort to settle the dispute. The airline hired Oprah to deliver the lawsuits to the eight parties – “YOU get a lawsuit, YOU get a lawsuit, and even YOU get a lawsuit!” said Oprah with her signature smile.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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