Lobby Bar – September 19: When Cows Fly, Utopian Cars, Internet Truth Serum, and Propositions in Envelope

By Jeremy Del Nero on 19 September 2014
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The Lobby Bar – An Absolutely Crass Weekly Summary of FBT News and Views

Staying safe in Texas.  Join Karin Sun for a tour of Dallas (you know, that place in Texas where you always have layovers).  General tips include visiting the Texas School Book Depository building, hiding your I © Obama pin, pretending to be a cowboy for a day, and avoiding grassy knolls.

Safe until a data breach.  Apple’s newest iPhones are hitting the shelves, but iOS 8 is already available for download, and offers a slew of new software features to owners of new and old iPhones alike.  One new feature lets users hide certain photos that may be inappropriate or embarrassing for the public eye, such as that picture of your Nickelback CD and poster collection.

Indebted dairy.  Jonathan Spira has some fresh mozzarella on a United BusinessFirst p.s. Flight from New York to San Francisco.  At the high altitude, Spira’s taste buds questioned the authenticity of the freshness of the cheese, at which point the flight attendant revealed the dedicated BusinessFirst cow.  Don’t worry; the cow is not only pampered, but is rumored to have accrued hundreds of thousands of MileagePlus frequent flyer miles.

Snores heard ‘round the world.  Henry Feintuch takes a load off at the Four Seasons Resort Scottsdale at Troon North.  The hotel offers particularly relaxing massages, soon to be renamed “assisted napping sessions,” due to the surprisingly high number of guests who fall asleep while enduring.  The hotel responded to a media enquiry with “no, there is no gas leak in the massage room.”

Fuel of the future.  Diesel fans rejoice; BMW has officially introduced its 2015 2 Series Convertible.  With a fuel economy of 50 to 53 mpg, the car practically runs on smiles and rainbows.  German engineering may produce miracle autos, but scientists still haven’t developed a reliable way to harness rainbow power.  Too bad, it’s said that some VW executives emit rainbows as their sole bodily discharge.

Internet + Alcohol = ?. Virgin Atlantic has plans to enter into a steady relationship with Gogo to provide in-flight Wi-Fi to its flyers.  The combination of Virgin’s classy sky-high bar plus the new in-flight Internet promises to be a recipe for drunken messages sent to friends and family worldwide.  Because he cares.

Hunger games.  Lufthansa pilots planned yet another strike for this week, which was cancelled at the last moment.  Spoiler alert: the boy who cried wolf gets eaten in the end.  Lufty execs were last seen being fitted with adult bibs.

Cleaning fetishes.  Marriott came out in official support of the Envelope Please, an organization that seeks to honor hotel housekeepers, by placing 160,000 envelopes in its hotel rooms.  Now’s your chance to write a thank-you note, leave a tip, or invite your housekeeper for a bottle of wine and soak in the hot tub.

Demanding rappers. Etihad Airways is now training butlers to serve on new Airbus A380 aircraft, which will be outfitted with three private residences.  The butler training Savoy Butler Academy in London is said to be one of the most rigorous programs ever, and involves serving the most demanding people on Earth, from the Queen herself to Kim Jong-un to Kanye West.  Few survive.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

Accura News

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