Lobby Bar – December 21: Mrs. Claus, Ancient Waiters, and ‘I’ll Take Deadly Epidemics for $250, Alex!’

By Anna Breuer on 21 December 2018
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Lobby Bar: A True Rags to Riches Story

Cost of friendship. With only days to go until Santa comes to town, we present to you our Holiday Gift Guide: Diamond Edition, for those in your life with expensive tastes (or taste buds).  We recommend you get your loved ones a few Bitcoin, guaranteed to add immaterial wealth and joy to their lives, at least until the cryptocurrency goes belly-up and disappears forever.

Closed for the holiday.  Children in London were disappointed when they found out that Santa would not appear this year.  Apparently, Santa uses London Gatwick’s runway and guidance systems and the airport’s closure was apparently enough to keep him away.  However, since Santa’s reindeer were threatening a strike, Santa was reportedly looking into the possibility of using drones for gift delivery as a substitute for the reindeer.

A fun crowd. Take a cue from the FBT staff, who humbly request that you get a flu shot if you haven’t already gotten one. Those who refuse will be forcibly teleported to an alternate galaxy for the six-month flu season to hang out with Flat Earthers, climate deniers, and those who genuinely enjoy celery

Waiter, why is it taking so long to get the check? Jonathan Spira drove to Salzburg to review the Restaurant Zirbelzimmer in the Hotel Sacher there.  The restaurant and its staff have remained virtually unchanged since it opened in 1866, a clever trick done by borrowing Jesse’s time machine once a year. It is a truly miraculous experience to see a 172-year-old busboy clearing the table under the direction of a 186-year-old waiter.  Neither looks a day over 135.

S Wonderful.  FBT’s intrepid theater co-critics sat down to name their Top 5 shows for the year but disagreement broke out.  Blaise Buckley liked “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” so much that he wanted to name it to all five slots while Jonathan Spira felt that “Fiddler on the Roof” at the National Yiddish Theatre Folksbiene deserved that honor. In the end, peace was restored when the Deputy Managing Editor, who shall remain nameless due to safety concerns, stepped in and edited the story to list his favorite, “Springtime for Hitler,” five times instead.

Jeremy del Nero contributed to this Lobby Bar.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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