Lobby Bar – May 4: The World’s Longest Receipt, Long German Words for $100, and Hotels on Wheels

Lobby Bar – The Occasional Gift That Keeps on Giving

Pocket calls. Check into the San Francisco Airport Marriott Waterfront with Paul Riegler. The hotel is actually located on the tarmac and it needs to be wheeled off the runway for each takeoff and landing. The good news is that it shouldn’t cause any discomfort beyond a slight vibration that could be mistaken for an incoming call.

Hello? Let’s talk about the first electric taxis, which were on the road over 100 years ago. Of course, those EVs didn’t have quite the same range as the ones from this decade; they needed to be recharged every few blocks, which is what telephone booths were originally used for.

Rule #1. Join Blaise Buckley and Tina Fey for “Mean Girls” at the August Wilson Theatre in Midtown. Just remember, if you see the show on a Wednesday, you have to wear pink.

Send me on my way. Grab a tissue and mourn the loss of Virgin America, the little airline that couldn’t. At least Richard Branson can go back to just being a billionaire now.

Had enough? Grab a seat next to Jonathan Spira for “Escape to Margaritaville” at the Marquis Theatre on Broadway. At the end of the show, theatergoers are checked with a Breathalyzer. All scoring less than .08% BAC are sent back in for another drink.

Integration. You’ve got questions and we’ve got answers about Marriott’s new combined guest loyalty program. Basically, the program is now combined with your CVS rewards, which means you can earn free nights at the hotel chain when you buy floss at the pharmacy and when you check out of your room you will receive a receipt measuring no less than three meters in length.

It’s really me. Credit card signatures will soon be going the way of Virgin America. Instead, credit card terminals will have a small pin for customers to prick their fingers with and dribble a small sample of blood onto the screen to verify their identity. Used Band-Aids will also work.

Basil? Take a menu at Mr. Spira’s new favorite New York Chinese restaurant, DaDong, for a new take on Peking Duck. While there were plenty of enjoyable dishes, Basil Fawlty would say “If you don’t like duck, you’re rather stuck.” For your safety and comfort we recommend booking at least 24 hours ahead so Manuel can be given the day off.

Guten Tag. If you don’t want to buy or lease your next car, how about subscribing to it? Just be warned that if you miss paying your Monatsabo, a representative of the Kraftfahrzeug-Abonnementabteilung will show up at your door and take away your keys and your Aboautoberechtigungsausweis until you settle your account.

I’m not crying you’re crying. Check out the lengthy masterpiece that is “Angels in America,” now at the Neil Simon Theater on Broadway. Please remember to a bring your rainbow pin and at least four boxes of tissues per person. Monthly room rates are available at neighboring hotels for those wishing to freshen up between acts.

Grab your sneakers. If you’re visiting the United States from Europe, you may need a little guidance when it comes to exploring our vast country. Just be careful what you say and to whom or, bless your heart, y’all might end up on line at the hospital’s emergency department.

Oops. American Airlines placed Orders for 30 new regional jets in two deals valued at $1.4 Billion. Apparently the order had been placed by a lost child at JFK Airport who found Doug Parker’s black Amex and used it to purchase the new fleet. Unfortunately, Bombardier and Embraer do not offer refunds.

Safety net. It appears that T-Mobile and Sprint will finally be tying the knot, after T-Mo being spurned in two previous deals, one with AT&T seven years ago, and one with Sprint two years ago, both of which fell through. Now, T-Mobile has acquired the necessary paperwork to go through with the wedding, and has one helluva prenup agreement should things turn south again.

Honey, you turned off the heat. Hilton announced enhancements to its Hilton Honors app that will allow guests to use their smartphones as a remote for lighting, temperature, and television at some hotels. Due to a bug in the system, the app doesn’t relinquish control even after checkout, and the former occupant of room 408 can’t stop playing with the app, much to the annoyance of several subsequent guests.

Fake News Department. Former VW CEO Martin Winterkorn was indicted in the Dieselgate case after adding former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani to his legal team. Giuliani let it slip that Winterkorn paid tens of thousands of euros to a stripper named Diesel Express on a radio show anchored by Sean Hannity and the payment was later confirmed in a Twitterstorm by President Trump.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)