Lobby Bar – September 8: Amtrak Goes Postal, Mozzarella Sticks are Life, and Why You Should Become a Cannibal

By Jeremy Del Nero on 8 September 2017
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Hurricane Like It’s 1992. Irma is coming and, in honor of the 25th anniversary of Hurricane Andrew, the most destructive storm ever to hit Florida, authorities are urging evacuees to use 300 baud modems, a Mosaic browser, and Motorola MicroTacmobile phones thanks to their excellent 75-minute battery life. Then-President George H.W. Bush later said that he had “misunderestimated” the storm’s impact on this “great and growing nation of more than 300 people.”

People Eater. We’ve laid out a few key tips for you to be able to enjoy local food when traveling to your next international destination. First, find a local resident. Then, eat that resident and absorb all of the flavors of local food that he has consumed throughout his life. This is a far more efficient means than trying to consume that food on your own.

Mel’s Diner. We want to hear from you: which apps do you rely on at home and when traveling? Reporting from a trendy new restaurant in Los Angeles, Jesse Sokolow said that he likes mozzarella sticks while traveling, while Jonathan Spira can’t go without an appetizer of white asparagus smothered in Hollandaise sauce. Vote for your favorite apps in our poll.

Inch by inch. Join the FBT crew in British Airways’ Club Europe Business Class cabin on a quickie from London to Dublin.  Just keep in mind that the seats are narrow, so be sure to start your slimming diet by avoiding apps approximately six months prior to boarding, or you may be charged for an extra seat.

Adverse special effects. Come along for a trip to the Fortune Theatre, where “The Woman in Black” promises to “scare the living bejeezus out of you,” as overheard by a theatergoer. To soften the blow, purchase a box of Anti-Scare pills from Jesse in the lobby. Side effects include drowsiness, dizziness, and heart palpitations, oh and be sure to alert your doctor about any erection lasting longer than four hours. Alternately, if your physician is out on the golf course, we suggest contacting the good folks at Guinness World Records.

Bargaining power. In another big move by the self-proclaimed Uncarrier, T-Mobile is offering Netflix for free to its customer base. Before signing up, however, be sure to hop on a call with a customer service representative to see if the company will consider covering Hulu, HBO Now, and your monthly rent and car payments as well.

Let’s get postal. After two months of renewal and repair, Amtrak has resumed normal operations at New York’s Penn Station. In an unprecedented partnership with the United States Postal Service, Amtrak will be picking up passengers from not only the James A. Farley Post Office Building on Eighth Avenue, but also all 31,585 USPS locations in the United States, so go ahead and visit your local branch for express service to the city.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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