Lobby Bar – June 30: Pancake Trees, Rock Cars, and Literally Free Money

By Jeremy Del Nero on 30 June 2017
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The Lobby Bar – Chock Full of Antihistamines! Guaranteed to stop your sniffles.

Where do you get your kids? Time to celebrate: the iPhone is officially ten years old. Like most 10-year-olds, the iPhone throws plenty of tantrums, needs to recharge every few hours, and stays up late texting.

Please remain seated. Join Jonathan Spira at the Daryl Roth Theater for “In & of Itself,” a meta-realistic production that aims to make audience members ache, squirm, and shift from side to side, in discomfort. Oh wait, that was just the horribly uncomfortable seating; the show was merely boring.

Still waiting. Also celebrating a birthday this week is the Automated Teller Machine. To mark the occasion, ATMs all across the country will be randomly spitting out 50-dollar bills all week, so we recommend canceling all of your plans and camping out by the bank nearest you.

That’s all folks. Back at the theater, let’s take a Close look at Glenn Close’s final performance of “Sunset Boulevard.” Close began by wandering out onto the stage declaring “I have a cold,” which drew thunderous applause, she then walked off stage to a standing ovation, during which several Close-ups were taken. She considered returning to a slightly toned-down version of her performance, but was satisfied enough with the reaction from her announcement and called it a night.

Stone cold fox. With fuel costs zigzagging unpredictably, you may be thinking about a hybrid or electric vehicle as your next car, and we’ve got some helpful tips to aid in your decision. We also have an alternative: what about a stone car? Significantly less expensive and infinitely more green, a stone car is guaranteed to make you stand out and you’ll even get quarter-inch callus bonus upon signing. Just ask for Barney at your local Flintstone/Trabant dealership and you’ll soon be hitting the local drive-in for a Pterodactyl Burger.

Grows on trees. Jesse Sokolow checks into the Raleigh Marriott City Center in North Carolina. The honey in the hotel’s restaurant comes from bees on the roof, the goat cheese from rooftop goats, and the pancakes from the courtyard pancake trees, which are expected to product a very healthy crop this year.

iSpy. Uber will now let you book rides for somebody other than yourself. This can be especially useful if a friend or family member is technologically challenged, or if you get in a generous mood and want to track a stranger’s ride from Penn Station to his apartment.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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