Lobby Bar – January 6: Weather is Evolving, Bobbing for Apple Stores, and What’s an Iceport?

By Jeremy Del Nero on 6 January 2017
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An Untold and Untrue Summary of FBT News and Views

Let’s get physical. Jeremy Del Nero (aloha!) flies to Hawaii and checks into the Hyatt Regency Maui. I was there on business but still managed to get lei’d no less than three times! Just don’t tell our editorial director, because I want to be able to return to Maui some day.

Just in case. Jesse Sokolow travels to significant moments in Januarys throughout travel history. On this voyage, the time travel lever got stuck and caused the capsule to send sparks flying all over London and thus began the tradition of setting fireworks off on New Year’s Eve. Don’t worry, Jesse always packs a portable backup time machine with him, just in case something like this happens.

CHIP? DALE! Jonathan Spira dons the Triple F.A.T. Goose Chenega Parka and heads into the wintry outdoors. The jacket is especially warm because of its two layers of live chipmunks, who run around continuously to produce heat. The chipmunks need to be fed every 12 hours and prefer a strict diet of chocolate chip cookies.

Cartography. Christian Stampfer checks out the auto news at CES 2017 in Las Vegas, where driving meets technology. Several car manufacturers are debuting remote driving via a bluetooth-enabled device. While you won’t be able to control your car from very far away, the option is expected to be highly sought after by the backseat drivers of the world.

Slippery Security. John F. Kennedy International Airport is expecting to receive a $10 billion upgrade. After visiting the ice hotel in Sweden, airport architect Ivana Dobetta envisioned a JFK made of frozen water. In an Iceport, Dobetta argued, there should be less friction between flyers and TSA employees, adding that luggage will glide more readily through security.

Rotten Fruit. We had a less than stellar experience at the Apple store last week. We called to complain but the store manager assured us that the unusual incident was just a bad apple.

Book ‘em, Danno! General Motors announced a new monthly subscription service called Book by Cadillac. For just $1,500 per month, you can receive a hardcover copy of Cadillac CEO Johan de Nysschen’s book of the month. Not to worry: The book is delivered in a Cadillac that is yours to play around with for up to 45 minutes.

Bad Whiteout. Look out for flight delays and cancellations; another winter storm is rolling through. With fresh water shortages, however, God is conserving the precious commodity and sprinkling a more plentiful resource, dandruff, from the sky instead. It turns out that dandruff acts very similarly to snow except that it doesn’t melt, so be prepared for a lengthy cleanup process and don’t wear black for the remainder of the month.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

Accura News

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