Lobby Bar – November 4: Leaf Blowers Anonymous, Time Travel Paradoxes, and Accidental Art

By Jeremy Del Nero on 4 November 2016
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Lobby Bar – A Belligerent Bellwether of FBT News and Views

Modern comforts. Most countries in Europe have set back their clocks for winter time. This year, parts of Spain voted to abstain from changing their clocks because, as they pointed out, there is no need to adhere to obsolete and ancient time changing practices, especially now that we have time travel machines thanks to advancements at FBT Magazine.

Eyes on me. We’ve got a new survey for you: rate your favorite airline with our patented face recognition software. We’ll flash a series of airline logos on your screen and all you need to do is react to each one with a facial expression. We’ve already hacked into your computer’s camera so it will automatically transmit the results to us and interpret the grimaces!

Time loop. Meanwhile, Jesse Sokolow fires up the time machine to visit great moments in Novembers throughout travel history. On one of the trips, he gets tired in the afternoon and takes a nap, inventing the siesta that would eventually be the main argument against setting clocks back, thus creating a time travel paradox.

Dab and nap. Fly with us in JetBlue’s Mint cabin for the airline’s maiden voyage from Boston to Los Angeles. Spira was disappointed that paper (not cloth) napkins were supplied with the meals, but thankfully the duvet cover functioned well as a replacement, even if it did draw stares from other Mint passengers.

Not lunch? On Thursday, Donald Trump, the Republican presidential candidate, heard that Brexit may have to be delayed. Shortly thereafter, he launched a Twitter storm arguing that Brexit is the most important meal of the day and he plans to build a wall around it.

Mod cars. Christian Stampfer has a few pieces of advice if you’re going to be taking a fall road trip this year. Due to falling leaves that can obstruct your vision while driving, Stampfer recommends purchasing an AC-powered leaf blower and strapping it to the hood of your vehicle to keep the windshield clear.

Unleaded. We’re back at the Broadhurst Theater to catch “The Front Page,” a play about newspapermen that unfortunately buried the lead. This is especially dangerous because once lead is buried, it can seep into underground water reservoirs and poison an area’s drinking water.

Sentenced to education. Join Jonathan Spira for a two-day excursion to BMW’s New Performance Center West Driving School. Spira was sent back to driving school after receiving a ticket for driving recklessly; apparently strapping a leaf-blower to your car roof is considered “dangerous to the public welfare” (go figure.)

cArt. Spira took a lot of pictures at the driving school and wants to bring some in for show-and-tell. He originally had hundreds of photos from the weekend, but his camera’s film melted when the outside temperature reached 117° F (42° C), at which point the photos became blurry puddles of color. Incidentally, those photos have joined a collection of art called “Hot Goop” and will be on display at MOMA from December 1st through 12th.

Patience is key. It’s the United States’ turn to travel in time and change the clocks this weekend. While most people know that cell phones and computers automatically update to the correct time, many don’t realize that their battery-powered watches and clocks will also reflect the correct time if given proper adjustment time. (Adjustment time is approx. six months.)

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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