Lobby Bar – April 1: Back on the Wagen, Nearly Nude Performances, and Fifty Shades of Green

By Jeremy Del Nero on 1 April 2016
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Lobby Bar – A Confounding Collage of FBT News and Views

Out and about. Allow Lobby Bar to break character for a moment: because of the attacks in Brussels, tourism in major European cities has dropped significantly, bringing hotel vacancy to new lows. We understand travelers’ concerns, but rather than let fear win, we encourage people to travel to these cities to show their bravery and support.

Notice: lost journalist. Jesse Sokolow hops in his time machine to explore notable travel events in Aprils past. Unfortunately, his time machine developed a perverse sense of humor, and for April Fools’ Day it sent Jesse into the future instead. As a result, we can’t find him. If you see Jesse at any point in the future, please contact FBT or the International Space Police with information on his whereabouts.

Stay healthy. In its annual survey, The American Service Society of Corporate Ambulatory Managers, or ASSCAM, recommends at least two trips a year to your assigned proctologist.

Dress down. Jonathan Spira heads to Feinstein’s/54 Below to see the Skivvies perform in their unmentionables. Guests are welcome to strip down to their undies as well, so long as they tip generously. Under where? Studio 54. Underwear? Strongly encouraged.

Relativity. Jeremy Dwyer-Lindgren flies from Seattle to London in British Airways’ business class. Jeremy got his own little compartment for the flight. Some people call 20 square feet luxury. Others, prison. Me, a spacious apartment in Brooklyn.

Our favorite color. We admit it, we’ve been undergoing an identity crisis over at our sister publication, The Diesel Driver, for some time now. As a result, we’re renaming it to The Green Car Driver, where we write about an increasingly growing category of autos: cars with lime- and British racing green paint jobs.

Bring back the wagon. The FTC is suing Volkswagen over false advertising. The car company is now being forced to produce what its name promises: wagons, a là Radio Flyer. All new cars from the Bavarian automaker will now come in red only and will have unlimited MPG.

Giveth, taketh. Amtrak is rolling out free Wi-Fi on more of its routes. “It’s the only way we can justify a $200 ticket from New York to Boston,” an Amtrak social media intern tweeted. An e-mail to the intern in question was returned with “addressee unknown” shortly thereafter.

Status conflict. JetBlue and Alaska Air are interested in acquiring Virgin America. It’s presumed that the airline will change its Facebook relationship status from “virgin” to “it’s complicated.”

Textually active coffee. Dunkin’ Donuts is rolling out on-the-go mobile ordering for its smartphone-toting customers. The app will give you the number of an employee from a local Dunkin’ store, so you can text him any time to have a coffee ready for you upon arrival.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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