Lobby Bar – October 23: Untethered Skydiving, Public Time Travel, Ikea Jets, and Arsonists Rejoice

By Jeremy Del Nero on 23 October 2015
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Lobby Bar – A Chemically Compromised Summary of FBT News and Views

Swan dive. Jonathan Spira checks into his Business Tower room at the Fosshótel Reykjavík hotel in Iceland. The hotel overlooks the bay, and guests on higher floors have the option of opening their windows to take a dive right into the North Atlantic. The hotel strongly encourages this as it saves the cost of electricity for running the elevator.

Burn, baby, burn. Explore a brief history of restaurants and hotels, as seen through a collection of matchbook covers.  Many of these establishments no longer provide matchbooks but want to keep with the tradition of giving guests fire-starting tools, and now offer insignia-embossed gasoline cans and fuel-soaked rags.
The cost of coffee. Check out our review of Elmer Fudd’s favorite coffee maker, the Bunny Speed Brew Coffee Machine. It works well enough, but we recommend going for a vegetarian model – this one requires the user to swap out a bunny cartridge once a month – a costly process that’s not much fun for the rabbit either.

Alpha access. We’ve read some of your letters to the editor and it seems that many of you are jealous about Jesse’s time machine. That’s why we’re offering our European readers free public access to the time machine for one night only – this Sunday, October 25 at 2 a.m. GMT. Americans will get their chance the following week.

High times. Today we mourn the loss of a true and dear friend, Transaero Airways. We’ll always remember our long walks on the beach together, the cozy nights of playing board games by the fire, and that time George Clooney rode you for nine straight hours.

Some assembly required. SkyWest Airlines, a regional carrier, announced a purchase for 19 Ikea E175 jets, which it will operate as Delta Connection flights. The bamboo jets will be delivered over the course of the next two years, and will require a team of skilled and patient Panda bears and a hexagon tool. A four-page visual-aided instructions manual is included. The manufacturer will supply a five-year-old in case the adults are unable to complete the assembly.

Consumer rapport. After calling the Tesla S Electric one of the most efficient cars it had ever seen, Consumer Reports rescinded its recommendation, ranking it worse than average. The magazine wrote an apology, “remember that time we said that this thing was great and you guys all went out and bought it? Well, sorry… again.”

Expensive texts. Starwood announced a fun way for the guests of its downtown Manhattan location to request room service: simply text the front desk with an emoji corresponding to the desired service. While sending the drink emoji results in champagne, we’ve heard that texting the kissing emoji will request one of New York’s finest escorts.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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