Lobby Bar – April 10: Mickey Mouse Moves to NYC, Death of an Editor, and a Poet is Born

By Jeremy Del Nero on 10 April 2015
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Lobby Bar – An Unabashedly False Summary of FBT News and Views

Cheap entertainment. Head to the East Village, where beers are a dollar and ice cream has a sexuality, to see Stomp, an athletically musical performance sans vocals, at the Orpheum theater. Or, for a less expensive version of the show, simply put a toddler in your kitchen and tell him that he has lost dessert privileges.

Fry this. Find out what is happening in the weird city of Austin, Texas. Sure, the city has a liberal air to it, but you know it’s the South because the good people of Austin are sensible enough to deep-fry their avocados.

Building blocks. Jonathan Spira checks into the Cotton Sail Hotel in Savannah, Georgia, where old meets new. The hotel, made entirely of organic cotton, isn’t very structurally sound, but it’s quite warm, especially when you wake up in a heap of blankets being shared by 55 other hotel guests.

Editor re-incarnate. Jeremy Del Nero (yep, it’s me) sets out kayaking with his credit cards and key strapped into the Wojo floatable wallet. In attempting to use the wallet as a life-saving device, however, Jeremy tragically drowned and will never write again. Thankfully, FBT wasted no time in hiring another editor named Jeremy Del Nero, who happens to have a nearly identical writing style.

Standard procedure. American Airlines is finally in possession of its holy grail: a single operating certificate. Much like obtaining the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones, a few American Airlines interns needed to be sacrificed, a monkey needed to be tamed, and somebody’s heart was ripped out in the end.

Submit to us. Just when things were starting to get good, the TSA announced it would cut back on PreCheck access for non-enrolled flyers. The TSA wants flyers to know that it is still in control: “He who giveth taketh away,” a spokesman said in a news release.

Inverted pyramid. Jesse Sokolow ran out of texts for the month, so he called with the headline of this important news story: “Air, oh Mexico. Seize in Crease Inn. March Kappa city.” Is there a story there, or is Jesse perhaps getting into poetry?

Business traveler thumbs. Recent findings show that travelers in San Francisco expense Uber rides more often than taxi cab rides. However, CEO of San Francisco’s World Global Air said, “that doesn’t seem right at all. I insist that all of my employees hitchhike to cut down on expenses.”

Nutty rules. American Airlines plans on introducing new dining options and upgrading domestic first-class meals in the near future. Please brush up on the strict allowances for snacks; ordering out of protocol will not be tolerated. God help us if you ask for warm nuts before 8:00 p.m. on a 698-mile-long flight.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

Accura News

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