Lobby Bar – December 19: Macadamia Melancholy, Pac-Man tries Ravioli, XXXL Santa, and Oui Drive

By Jeremy Del Nero on 19 December 2014
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The Lobby Bar – A Morally Ambiguous Summary of FBT News and Views

I could eat a…  With Winter Storm Jeremy just around the corner, Jesse Sokolow has some fine tips for dealing with holiday travel.  While you could try to travel ahead of time or take a train rather than a plane, why don’t you consider walking?  Nobody cancels roads, and while it might take a few weeks to reach your destination, you’ll be hungry enough to eat anything on arrival… even Aunt Gertrude’s fruitcake.

Special delivery, please.  Still unsure of what to get your loved one for the holidays?  We have your back with our last-minute gift guide, whether you’ve got $40,000 in your wallet or just a few shekels.  Please send any other gifts you purchased to 432 Park Avenue, Apt. 88Q, and you’ll make a certain travel editor very happy.

Nom nom.  Jeremy Dwyer-Lindgren flies Frankfurt to Seattle in Condor’s Business Class.  While enjoying some of the best herb ricotta ravioli known to airplanes, his seat began acting up, folding Jeremy in half as it slowly closed its giant mouth Pac-Man style.  My theory is it just wanted a taste of the ravioli.  The seat declined to answer any questions.

Je ne peux pas conduire.  Ride-sharing service Uber is in hot water in France once again.  When we asked the French government why it continually tries to ban Uber, a spokesman issued a statement saying, “The French don’t like the name – too Teutonic and stirs up unpleasant memories.”

Fat Santa.  Santa is coming around again, offering all FBT readers $10 in LoungeBuddy credits.  Two lucky readers will win a $100 credit jackpot, which can be used at airport lounges across the U.S.  For these gift deliveries, Santa will ditch the reindeers and sleigh and instead use Internet transit for instant gratification.  Now that he doesn’t need to use chimneys, Santa is really starting to let his weight go… don’t judge.

Physical chemistry issues.  Christian Stampfer spends a romantic weekend with the new BMW 116d, taking her all around German cities and the countryside.  Unfortunately, the weekend ended abruptly when the BMW 116d drove away on her own, seizing the chance when Stampfer momentarily stepped out to snap a scenic panorama on the Autobahn.

Zygomorphic.  An Air Canada flight needed to be diverted earlier this week when an unruly passenger assaulted two flight attendants.  Apparently the assaulter was deeply involved in a Words with Friends game with Alec Baldwin.  When a flight attendant tried to confiscate her device, the passenger lashed out, yelling something about a triple word score.

Judgment-free flying.  Virgin America announced that it has completed the upgrade of all of its aircraft to Gogo’s ATG-4 in-flight Internet service, which now offers speeds of 9.8 Mbps up from 3.1.  Finally, I can watch my Gossip Girl reruns at 29,500 feet without any buffering.

Time out.  In a world where Korean Air executives lash out after being served unopened packages of nuts aloft, what sort of punishment fits the crime?  While a senior ministry official of airline safety at first wanted to send Cho Hyun-ah 10,000 unopened packages of nuts to her residence to taunt her, he instead opted to punish the airline by temporarily suspending a number of flights.

Data bank.  T-Mobile is bringing rollover data plans to its customers.  Essentially, you can spend months saving up deliciously fast 4G LTE data, now up to 100 Mpbs speeds in New York City, for a streaming binge at a later time.  If you start saving now, you can watch the uncut Lord of the Rings trilogy in Central Park by next August.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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