Lobby Bar – June 6: Kate Middleton, Sally Bowles, Oneiromancy, and The Black Tulip

By Daniel Berg on 6 June 2014
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The Lobby Bar – An Irreverent Weekly Summary of Frequent Business Traveler News and Views

The Royal Baby. Paul Riegler paid a visit to London’s Heathrow Airport, where the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to a healthy 100-ton airport terminal, affectionately called the Queen’s Terminal by the commoners.  Visiting German officials were heard bemoaning the fact that they abolished their own monarchy in 1918, along with any chance of such a quick and painless delivery.

Perchance to dream. Jonathan Spira divines the best way to catch some shut-eye on a flight by communing with pagan deities from eons past. He eventually manages to summon the ancient Greek god of dreams, Laurence Fishburne, and is given a red pill that will help him sleep like a baby on all flights from here to eternity.

Lucky in cards, unlucky in love. Jesse Sokolow fires up the time machine and visits the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza in Los Angeles, where he wins a 14-carat Rolls Royce from Prince Phillip in gin rummy. Jesse’s luck is short lasting, as he is soon after mistaken for David Ben Gurion by a Palestinian hit squad and barely makes it back in one piece.

Tulpenwoede. While taking a walk down Holland Boulevard at Amsterdam Schiphol Airport, Jonathan Spira finds a rare black tulip at a flower vendor’s stall. He is able to barter his newfound treasure for an original Jan van Loos still life, but sadly cannot bring it along, as he is still on the U.S. Customs watch list for trying to smuggle an English butler through in a valise last month.

Glücklich zu sehen. Freshly ransomed from his German nihilist captors, Daniel Berg tries to unwind at a Broadway show, but the editorial desk forgets to mention that the performance in question is Cabaret. Halfway through the first act, our shell-shocked correspondent suffers severe flashbacks and has to be dragged away, screaming, “Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker”.

Cheesy does it. Jesse Sokolow visits the Millennium Hotel Minneapolis, and gets pulled into the Great Minnesota-Wisconsin Beer Battered Cheese Curd Debate of 2014. As this is a cause célèbre for Midwesterners, all that is left after the dustup is de brie.

(Photo: Accura Media Group)

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